a heavy heart aches in the loss of a loved one

I lost my eldest brother Kale Daren two weeks ago in a car accident just off of the base in Colorado. I had been babysitting 6 energetic children and just got home to get my jacket and head for the stake dance. Just as I walked in my sister came and got me and told me that something was wrong. We cried silently together as we thought something must have happened to my grandpa, who had been in the hospital. Little did we know, it was someone much closer to us. My dad sat us down and just said Kale's name; before I let him finish talking I bust into tears. We all knew what that meant, that our brother, our hero, son, and friend.. was gone. I knew it wouldn't be the last that I ever got to see him, but my heart broke in thought of losing someone I really and truly looked up to. Today is March 3rd, 2010. The day he was born, 24 years ago. As this day will be hard, we have planned a fun one at that. One with those who are close to us, to bring us joy on his birthday. I feel an unmeasurable amount of guilt knowing that I had not gotten up at his funeral services to say something about this truly amazing man. He was the best of the best. He had flaws, but don't we all? Instead, my brother would have looked past that. He took in everyone, a heart that was immensely larger than that of any regular human being. As everyone bore of the loss we all felt, the man we knew, and the side that some of us didn't quite get to know. My family and I knew the fun, loving, joking side to my brother.. but we didn't get to see the man he was becoming as a soldier in the United States Army. His battle buddy Mike, told a story about the side we didn't know. He said that his wife had gotten sick and he was sent home on an emergency note; as he was leaving, he had his equipment that needed to be carried. My brother graciously took that extra weight (80-100 pounds) with a smile upon his face. For about a month he carried this along with his own, not once did he utter a complaint. Even when the heat of the sun among Iraq beat upon him. Every time Mike would call, my brother always asked how his wife was doing.. not "when are you going to get here and take your stuff". Another time was when one of the soldiers wasn't handling being in Iraq very well.. my brother talked him through it. We had received many flowers and cards telling us about the man he had become and how they loved him, and that their prayers were with us. My brother was a true hero to me.. even though he didn't see himself as one. He had received many awards while over there and he mentioned it once, brushing it off like it was nothing. But it wasn't nothing.. he proved himself to be a hard working, intelligent, determined, and thoughtful man which clearly impressed those he worked with. My brother was amazing.. always making you laugh and smile. The last time I saw him was when I was in school. He randomly came home to visit shortly after returning to America. Security guards came to the auditorium where I was and told me that I was needed by the principle. We slowly walked towards the office and I was told to wait there. My brother pops up out of no where and I just sank to the floor and cried. It was ridiculous how much I had missed him. During the funeral services, my mother decided to talk. She mentioned that I was his devoted pen pal while he was in the military and that he loved me so. Kale will be missed. I love him so much and I don't think I would be the person that I am today without him.